In A Hole
‘THE TIMES has long ploughed its own furrow when it comes to selecting its lead stories. It likes to give space to the arcane, the idiosyncratic, and, occasionally, the downright baffling.
|One of them is still a little woosie|
But it’s not for us to speculate on their reasons; we are simply here to report upon the news according to Wapping. And today, the former paper of record chooses to lament the fate of ‘Notorious caddie stuck in his bunker at 19th hole’.
The words ‘notorious caddie’ immediately narrows down the field to one name: Miles Byrne. He is the man whose fortunes took a sharp dip when he packed Ian Woosnam’s bag incorrectly, and included an illegal number of clubs – an error widely thought to have cost Woosie last year’s Open.
When he then overslept two weeks later during another tournament, it was the last straw for his long-suffering employer, and he was given a one-way ticket to Well, to the Boomerang pub in Bray, since you ask. That’s where he goes for his R’n’R, when he’s not earning a living as a labourer.
He occasionally interrupts his drinking to nip round to the bookies’. ‘Locals say he is going through a hard time,’ remarks the paper, a trifle unnecessarily. And that’s it.
Labourer drinks in public house and frequents local bookmakers – news wires will be buzzing all over the world.