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Anorak | Captain Cooked

Captain Cooked

by | 13th, September 2002

”’I’M not just tired, I’m cooked. I can hardly stand up at times. My back hurts, my legs hurt, I hurt everywhere. I am going to see the manager because he must give me some rest.”

The crowd were stunned when Vieira suddenly fell asleep

The manger is Arsene Wenger, the player is Patrick Vieira and the excuse just might work. If it does, then write it down and use it the next time you want a few days of work.

And for an added bonus, tell the team leader of your call centre, or whatever hellhole you work at, that you fear that your performance has begun to suffer and that you are ”unnerved” by your loss of form.

The bet is that you’ll be given short shrift and will end up wishing you’d just got your girlfriend/boyfriend to phone you in sick; and if you don’t have one, just call up and say that you’ve got the runs.

Diarrhoea is no laughing matter and although it might cause the less brash among you to grow redder than a constipated nun, it does guarantee a short conversation.

But you just might have enjoyed success with the candid Vieira manoeuvre. Of course Vieira has played a lot of football, but not nearly as much as he might have done had France not been knocked out of the World Cup in round one.

Had they got to the final, the languid Frenchman might well have reason to bemoan the lack of a break. But France were knocked out with the tournament proper yet to begin, and with no energy sapping jaunts to Madrid, the Frenchman had time to put his feet up.

And he has more time to do the same since he

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Posted: 13th, September 2002 | In: Back pages Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink