Waxing Lyrical

‘DID you know that the amount of wax used to make a replica of Jennifer Lopez’s backside could heat a small Guatemalan village for an entire year?

The Ben Affleck waxwork went a bit wrong

It’s the kind of fact any self-respecting journalist should equip themself with. But for the Express’ David Smith, the Star’s Jon Lockett and Sun’s Thomas Whitaker, research extends only as far as their groping reach.

Each of the three men have paid visits to Madame Tussaud’s and made a beeline for a new waxwork of the Latina singer Jennifer Lopez.

We are not told which writer got there first, but the scramble to feel up a dummy must have been a sight to behold.

But let us begin with Mr Smith of the Express, who was on ”the verge of melting” when he sidled up to the glorified tailor’s manikin.

He even caused her cheeks to colour, by grabbing hold of her backside in the manner of a pubescent boy at a school disco and whispering something into her waxy-coated ear.

A microphone hidden inside J-Lo’s head picks up the mutterings and triggers light-emitting diodes in her cheeks. No matter what is said, the woman who would be Mrs Ben Affleck blushes.

The Star’s Mr Lockett cares not for diodes and gizmos, preferring to close his eyes and dream of what a real woman must feel like as he gets close.

But it’s the Sun’s Mr Whitaker who really does us proud, grabbing the chanteuse’s arse with both hands and then performing the same trick on a waxwork effigy of Geri Halliwell.

His verdict? ”I also tested Geri’s bum – but it was bit hard for my liking.”

But not to worry because Whitaker and the rest of the professionals can always melt a few household candles and get to work forming their ideal woman.

They can begin just as soon as they find a suitable wick…

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Posted: 22nd, May 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink