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Anorak | Monty’s Revenge

Monty’s Revenge

by | 6th, June 2003

‘NO sooner has Victoria located Madrid in Brooklyn’s Junior Shopper atlas, than the Express announces that her husband Day-vid is off to Barcelona instead.

Monty – armed and dangerous

While the Beckhams hunker down in search of the Catalan city, readers of the Express get to hear from Joan Laporta, Barcelona’s presidential candidate.

”He’s mine,” says Joan, a man with girl’s name. ”David Beckham is our man. We will buy him, we have an agreement with Manchester United”.

He goes on: ”I have looked at the prospect of signing him, I have tasted it and it tastes good to me.”

It’s a nice turn of phrase, but the Beckham transfer saga needs more than few words to keep the world interested. Players come and players go – that is footballing life.

Just as playing a slow game is part and parcel of cricket. The Sun claims that ”Zzzzzzimbabwe” gave a performance in the Second Test at Durham that was ”go-slow”.

England did rattle off a decent 298 runs for the loss of five wickets, with Alec Stewart scoring a fine 67 not out and Anthony McGrath an even finer 68 not out.

But the Sun thinks there is a story in how the Zimbabwe team bowled so slowly that that play ran 35 minutes past the scheduled close time.

Come, come. We know the Sun is a football-mad paper, and cricket is rarely is ever on the back page, but to take a team to task for playing slowly, for being boring, when the preceding pages are filled with half-cocked, turgid and dull football rumour displays a lack of understanding about what sport is.

We can only hope that when Beckham goes, other sports stories emerge from the shadows.

But the Express does have some exciting news, and it spots the normally genial Colin Montgomerie apparently threatening a photographer with his pitching wedge.

The golfing Scot lost his cool when he failed to get out of a ditch on the seventh hole at the British Masters. He had, the story says, asked the photographers to stop snapping.

They did not, and Monty lost it. ”I have got to be honest,” says the photographer caught in Monty’s line of vision, ”it was a bit scary.”

Hmmm, wonder what David Beckham would have done in the same situation? Perhaps the Sun can tell us…



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