Coming A Cropper

‘TRACY the terrible returned to the Street this week, still appalling, still pregnant. “I’ve given Roy the one thing you never could,” spat Tracy at Hayley. What’s that? A sexually transmitted disease?

Hayley remembers The Duffle Coat Motto: Better red than dead

Hayley’s hormone medication has clearly sent her a bit mental as she then accused Roy of deliberately planning to seduce Tracy in order to become a father and decided to leave him, heading back to Amsterdam.

“It’s the only place I feel I’ve ever been really accepted,” she said. So clearly red duffle coats are the height of fashion in the Low Countries.

Roy was left a broken man. After cleaning Roy’s Rolls from top to bottom, he put on his pyjamas and washed down a handful of pills with a glass of milk. But just in time, Hayley decided not to get on the Weatherfield to Amsterdam bus and instead managed to save Roy’s life, making him throw up by force-feeding him salt water and his own weight in Betty’s hotpots.

“We’re not going to let that hussy beat us!” promised Hayley. “And what’s more, we’re going to fight for yer bay-bee, Roy.” The last time Roy and Hayley tried to become parents they ended up on the run in a caravan park with a ginger child, so the omens aren’t great.

Les has been released from her Majesty’s pleasure (apparently even she couldn’t stand him) and is determined to get revenge on Mick and Emma. He went round to Mick’s house, brandishing a crowbar but Mick is a trained policeman so had no trouble in disarming him and then beating the living daylights out of him on the grounds of ‘self defence’.

Janice was there to witness her boyfriend attacking her husband and isn’t best pleased – she wanted to save it for their ‘Jerry Springer’ appearance.

Another pair set for the set of Jerry Springer are Martin and Katy – “My boyfriend is twice my age and is addicted to cardigans.”

The Liza Minelli and David Gest of Weatherfield decide to come clean about their grubby relationship and rather predictably her parents ban the couple from seeing each other. Katy decides she can’t live without the wet nurse and tries a rather novel way to kill herself: with Milk Tray.

And all because the lady loves…..’

Posted: 27th, August 2003 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink