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Anorak | Dope In A Soap

Dope In A Soap

by | 29th, August 2003

‘THE Ferreira family are settling into Walford well – they only moved in a few months ago and already no one’s speaking to each other and they’ve had a massive public punch up.

Wanted for crimes against acting

Daughter Kareena choose a family wedding to tell her father a few home truths: “Your son’s dating a whore, your wife isn’t dead – so stop pretending she is – and I’ve been sleeping with a college drop out.”

Shirley (Dan’s date) wasn’t overly pleased to discover that Dan’s wife isn’t dead after all and was actually at the wedding. Shirley’s got other fish to fry now, though, as builder Gavin has moved into the flat above her and is keen to show her his tools.

Elsewhere in the Square, Lynne’s returned from her sister’s to try and patch things up with Gary. Unfortunately Gary refused to stop seeing baby Bobby so Lynne reacted in her usual reasoned way by sucking on a pound of lemons and developing Tourettes Syndrome.

Gary’s in for another nasty shock when he discovers he isn’t Bobby’s father after all, and Laura’s chosen to put Ian on the birth certificate.

Natalie was another wife willing to give her marriage one more chance but for her it wasn’t a baby but a bog creature that ended her chances. Paul and Janine decided that in order to win Barry over she was going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice and sleep with him. “I don’t mind ‘oo you sleep with darlin’,” Paul cheerfully told her, before patting her on the bum and shoving her out the door.

The Pig in The Wig (Sharon) has gone to the States to visit Vicky – she’ll be travelling cattle class no doubt – and has left Billy in charge of the club. Which is a bit like leaving George Best in charge of a brewery – you know it’s going to end in disaster.

Billy is in dire straits, as Charlie wants the £500 back he lent Billy for his Get Rich Quick Idiot Scam. Billy came up with the brilliant idea of robbing the club and beating himself up, making out that a gang of robbers had done it. This being Walford, several armed police units turned up on the scene within minutes (well with Phil Mitchell on holiday, they’ve got nothing to do) and bizarrely seemed convinced by Billy’s story. It’s unlikely Dennis, who Sharon’s left to oversee things will though.

Another budding criminal is about to come a cropper in the shape of Martin Fowler. No sooner had he completed his community service than he was arranging his very first drugs deal. The spirit (and blouson style jacket) of Nasty Nick lives on.

Martin has been growing cannabis in his father’s old shed on the allotment. The police had been tipped off and turned up to find Derek in there trying to destroy the evidence. And in true Walford police style they arrest the wrong man, yet again.

Will they never learn?’



Posted: 29th, August 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink