Train Of Thought

‘BING! Bong! ‘We are sorry for the delay in the departure of this article. Due to circumstances beyond our control, customers are asked to reread the previous piece and change at paragraph three.’

Can a train that never stops ever be late?

Sorry. We hope you understand that the wrong kind of mouse has contravened Rule 8, Sub-section Work-shy Bastard of the Anorak Code, causing a mass walk-out by the technical department.

We hope to have things back to normal before very long and do appreciate your patience.

And already plans are afoot to stop it happening again. We’ve taken a leaf from the book run by the train operator Connex, and reproduced in the Independent.

In order to improve reliability and punctuality, Connex is cutting 40 services a day into London. This will also ease congestion, which we are sure you agree is a very good thing.

Customers are advised to wait until 2009, when the track will be clear of all trains and the Government’s integrated transport policy will have fixed the vending machine on platform 6 at Clapham Junction.

Never ones to step in the path of progress, we’re going to end this here.

This article will finish on time, come hell or high’

Posted: 3rd, September 2003 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink