Butting Out

‘WHEREAS scientists used to invent new modes of transport and explanations for why you fancy your mum, they now put their minds to more challenging pursuits.

‘Got any Ford Fiestas?’

After the recent discovery of a drug that makes fat people feel full-up, the Mirror casts an eye on the injection that helps smokers quit.

And because this wonder jab doesn’t contain a handy dose of liquefied nicotine or a purified Silk Cut, the Mirror considers it worthy of further investigation.

So it’s off to the University of Salford, where the British Association’s Festival of Science is in full swing.

Dragging itself away from the Parade Of The Brains and an exhibition of Petri dishes down the ages, the Mirror finds Dr Campbell, the man behind the new prototype injection.

He says that the jab will not put smokers off fags immediately, but will most likely alleviate symptoms associated with withdrawal, like depression.

The aim is to reduce the addictive hit from the cigarette, so dulling its satisfying qualities and making smoking less of a buzz.

Of course, some smokers will just pick up stronger fags, in a desperate bid to get the full toxic rush.

Before long people will be wrapping their lips around the exhaust of cars and breathing in the hot, sweet nectar.

And when Dr Campbell and his kind invent the car that runs on tobacco ash, that’ll be just dandy…’

Posted: 9th, September 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink