Eileen Goes Down

‘LIFE hasn’t been very fair to poor Eileen. Not only does she have the worst perm in the history of the world and two idiot sons, but she’s now ended up in prison for a crime she did not commit. But unlike the A-Team, it’s unlikely she’s going to be able to make her fortune by going on the run and solving crimes.

‘More cake, Eileen…’

Eileen’s ex, Tony, decided to fit her up by stealing £700 from Streetcars before leaving Weatherfield. Dev, being the sort of enlightened employer so loved by Maggie Thatcher, refused to listen to her pleas of innocence and promptly got her arrested.

Todd and Jason suspected Tony, so went to track him down at his new address. “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t take the money!” Jason screamed at his shiftless dad. Tony finally admitted that he’d done it to get back at Eileen for throwing him out. “I’m not all bad, son,” Tony wheedled not very convincingly.

Dev was forced to agree to drop the charges against Eileen when Jason presented him with the money and the name of the actual culprit.

Another errant father about to get his comeuppance is Peter ‘two time’ Barlow. His charmed double life is about to come to an end shortly when Lucy turns up at The Rovers and discovers her husband actually has a number two wife. Wonder what odds he’d give himself on coming out of this with both testicles?

Someone else about to undergo a not-so voluntary vasectomy is Martin. Martin decides it would be a jolly idea to tell Tommy he’s been dating his 16-year-old daughter. After which he’ll certainly be needing his nursing skills.

Jack and Vera got stoned this week when they went to visit Maz on the allotment and she offered them some of her ‘special’ cake. “I feel like doing even less than I normally do,” Jack told her before he and Vera broke into song. Vera is set to cause a sensation when she inadvertently makes another hash cake for Emily Bishop’s tea party. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “high tea”.’

Posted: 12th, September 2003 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink