Off The Menu

‘MANY celebrity diets involve a clandestine visit to our medical pals Nip ‘n’ Tick. But in those inter-surgery moment, our stars like to keep their weight down by dieting.

Demi models the unopenable ‘Demi Cookie Jar and Wrist-o-ciser’

Today, the Enquirer lists and details the favourite celebrity diets. And we, in the bid to burn the world’s fat, and in so doing to bring heat and light to the impoverished, tell you how to shed that lard.

There is the Atkins diet. Since we are all already on this, we move onto the Zone, a diet favoured by Demi Moore and her lover Ashton Kutcher.

For lunch a Zoner like Demi can eat a 4oz turkey burger topped with 1oz of mozzarella, lettuce, and tomatoes. And its two fresh peaches for dessert.

At this point our medial friends interject, reminding us that Demi, like you, shouldn’t eat anything in the hours preceding surgery. No, not even the lettuce.

To complete the menu, there is the Raw Food diet (mud), the South Beach diet (sand), the Las Vegas Showgirl diet (remember to spit), the Menopause diet (pills), the low-fat/high-fibre diet (cardboard) and the Weight Watchers diet (no mirrors).

Any diet not covered here can be fielded under the term “eating”. Remember where you heard that word first…’

Posted: 19th, September 2003 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink