We Love Lucy

‘IN early August, Lucy Pinder was just another 19-year-old who had sneaked off to Bournemouth beach in search of a suntan.

Lucy ponders the world’s great mysteries

By the middle of the month she was the hottest piece of sun-puckered flesh around.

She’d dropped out of her course at Bournemouth University and was embarking on a career that would make her, and what the Star called her “thrilling” 34FF bosom buddies, the news event of the year.

“One minute I’m about to start a media and film course at Bournemouth University and now I’m a national pin-up,” said the Winchester wonder.

“Whenever I moan to my mum about the size of my chest, she’s always joked that I should either have a breast reduction or make money out of them. It looks like she’s got a point now.”

And money she made, becoming the focal points of a campaign by bra manufacturers Triumph and showing her underwear from the streets of London to the shores of the Dorset cost.

Life was indeed a whirl.

Summer was soon over, but our Lucy was happy to cock a snook at the autumnal temperatures by turning out again on the front page of the Star in only a bikini (and, for some reason we have not yet been able to fathom, a stetson).

And it was to get better - and bigger. She was on course to meet Jordan.

“Meeting Jordan has been one of the high points so far,” said Lucy. ”She is great fun and she was really warm and friendly towards me.”

It mattered not that Jordan was at a different party three streets away and that the two merely brushed frontages, since the pair were set to start a trend.

Days later, Lucy was once again brushing chests with Nicola McLean, repeating the trick moments later with Michelle Marsh.

Lucy was in your face and, if the other glamour pusses let her, in their bras, light and way.

But something was amiss. Whereas the other girls show off their assets, posing topless with plates of burgers and chips and a cheeky smile, Lucy remains demure.

We saw her cleavage, acres of the stuff, but we never saw a Pinder nipple. And we began to wonder.

Is she shy? Does she have no nipples or perhaps she has more than the normal quota?

Is her chest covered in a luxuriant pelt? Is there (gulp!) scar tissue where nature has been given a helping hand? Is Lucy a man? So many questions that remained unresolved.

What is clear is that Lucy is something special. While others come, flash and go, Lucy knows how to keep ‘em keen.

Our suspicions for Lucy’s superior intellect were confirmed in early December when scientists working at the coalface of their discipline discovered that the bigger the bust the brighter the headlights.

Lucy was a genius. And the word is that Lucy’s boobs are still growing, meaning that she is also getting brainier by the day.

“They’re now heading towards a G-cup, so I must be super brainy with my whoppers,” she says.

“Never mind the theory of relativity. Give me a bit of time and I’ll be ale to tell you the answers to some of the world’s greatest mysteries.”

Like how she got so far by showing so little? And when you rub chests with Jordan, does it hurt?’

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink