Anorak | Ugly – The New Beautiful

Ugly – The New Beautiful

by | 5th, January 2004

‘A SHE-MOUNTAIN wins Pop Idol; a Hobbit becomes World Idol; and Victoria Beckham has a career as a model these days it’s good to be ugly.


In fact, as Anorak readers will no doubt be delighted to learn, minging is the new beautiful. Boilers are the new babes. Fat is the new thin. And pale and spotty is the new black.

Dedicated leaders of fashion that we are, we have peered into our crystal ball and make the following predictions for 2004.

It will be the year when even the world’s most beautiful starlets go under the plastic surgeon’s knife to try to add a few flaws to their otherwise perfect anatomies.

We will all abandon the Atkins Diet in favour of the high-carb, low protein Fatkins Diet and quickly balloon to Feltzesque proportions.

The ”English smile” will sweep America with people from New England to New Mexico queuing round the block for an appointment with the orthodontist and the chance to have their perfect white gnashers discoloured and set at irregular angles.

Teenaged boys in Britain will rip down their posters of Britney Spears, Nadine from Girls Aloud and the fit one out of the Sugababes and replace them with lifesize representations of Lisa Riley, Nicola from Girls Aloud and the fat ginger one out of Hollyoaks.

Teenaged girls will turn their noses up at Enrique Iglesias, David Beckham and Ant (of Ant & Dec fame) and swoon instead over Rik Waller, Gary Neville and Dec (of Ant & Dec fame).

And all of a sudden, all the cool boys at school will be trying to stick their tongues down Spotty Dottie’s throat, but she will have eyes only for Mongoloid Martin.

How do we know all this? We know because we have seen the

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Posted: 5th, January 2004 | In: News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink