That Woman Off The Telly

‘AND while Linda speaks, others are queuing up to wear the crown of “That Woman Off The Telly”.

If you go down to the jungle today…

Just as Linda Barker was once a nonentity, so too is Kerry McFadden.

Of course, she is so much more than that to OK!’s legion of readers, who, thanks to her column in the mag’s Hot Stars insert, is “our Kerry”. That’s OK!’s ‘OK’, for short.

“It’s the opportunity of a lifetime,” says OK, “and I can’t wait to go into the jungle.”

But what about being separated from your two children and your husband, the Westlife singer, Bryan McPudding?

“He’s worried how we’ll cope not being able to speak to each other,” says OK! “That’s really the only thing we’re upset about.”

Oh, come, come, what about the sex? Won’t you miss it, OK?

Kerry duly opens up and tells us about her last night in a London hotel in London, the one “where both our babies were conceived”.

Which makes us wonder why neither Molly nor Lilly is called Conran?

And, by way of an aside, how is it that celebrities with out-of-this-world sex lives always know when their baby was conceived?

Does sex take place at precise times and in particular locations for the celebrity set? If so, is there a list of approved venues?

To us mere mortals, who fumble around at home and in Travel Lodges, the precise location of conception is harder to pin down.

But while we consider one of celebrity life’s greatest mysteries, we wonder if Kerry will get any nookie in the jungle, and thus produce a child called Bush, Outback, Camp, Ant, Dec or Hut.

Or Neil (Ruddock), Jenny (Bond), Diane (Modahl) or Lord (Brocket”), since in the course of her review of her fellow contestants in the celebrity jungle, Kerry admits to having never heard of any of them.

Which gives them something of a head start in the celebrity game…’

Posted: 26th, January 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink