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‘WHEN the celebrities abandoned the Australian jungle that has been their home for the past fortnight, they ran straight into the open arms of their families and the open cheque books of Fleet Street’s finest.

A good catch

But the battle over which paper would get which celebrity was rather like the way they used to pick the football teams back at school.

The Star and the Express have first pick, opting for those twin strikers (with their twin strikers) Kerry McPadding and Jordan.

Next up was the Sun, which this morning hears Peter Andre – in ‘the interview they all wanted’ – banging on about how he wants to bed Jordan and how his ‘acorn’ is in fact a mighty oak.

Behind the Sun, as ever, comes the Mirror, which chats to Kerry’s porky husband Bryan McPudding and her mother Susan about the former Atomic Kitten’s ‘tormented childhood’.

And bringing up the rear – the boy with NHS glasses, two left feet and the wrong size gym kit – is the Mail, which this morning trumpets its exclusive: ‘Jennie Bond – What I Really Thought Of The Others.’

Never mind the Sun and Peter Andre, this is actually the interview they all wanted, as the Mail proves by awarding Jennie 9/10 for entertainment value in the jungle, second only to John Lydon.

Sadly, Jennie (who reputedly stands to make a million pounds as a result of her new-found celebrity) has not got anything really nasty, or indeed interesting, to say about any of her fellow contestants.

For that, you will have to get a copy of the Wolverhampton Express & Star, which has managed to snap up Diane Modahl from under the very noses of its richer rivals.

Or read Alex Best in the new edition of Insomniacs Monthly, which goes on sale at 3am tomorrow morning.’

Posted: 11th, February 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink