Chas And Rave

‘WHILE we wonder where Clare Short goes from here, the Independent notes that the powers that be have found a proper job for Prince Charles.

‘Mummy says you’re the one who talks shit?’ ‘Well, I am an organic gardener’

After years spent wandering round aimlessly, trying his hand at architecture, organic farming, house building and plant whispering, Charles is now an official greeter for the new British.

The paper was on hand at Brent Town Hall, London, yesterday to watch Charles in his first day in his new job.

Heralded by the stains of Wet Wet Wet’s theme to Four Weddings And A Funeral and a Phil Collins tack from the Lion King movie, Charles made his grand entrance.

And so began Britain’s first citizenship ceremony, as 19 immigrants swore life-long loyalty to Britain, her Queen and middle-of-the road pop music.

The Guardian looked on with pride as a troop of 55 local children from the north-west London melting pot burst into song.

“Sadness will turn to laughter,” their chirped. “Mourning will turn to dancing, and tears will be wiped away.”

But not before each of the assembled new Britons had forked out a charge of £68 for the compulsory ceremony it won’t, and that’s on top of the £150 Home Office nationality processing fee, or ticket-booking charge as it is more widely known.

All that was left to do was to sing a rousing rendition of the National Anthem.

The band piped up, the children opened their mouths and the new Britons, just like the older ones, remained silent, reassuringly stiff of upper lips, lower lips and tongue.

Looks like they’ll fit right in…’

Posted: 27th, February 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink