Anorak

Anorak | Taco Belle

Taco Belle

by | 2nd, March 2004

‘LET’S start off with a pop quiz: What do you think is ‘the TRAGIC reason’ why Britney Spears has morphed from the reigning princess of pop into a ‘porky pop tart’?

‘Well, it worked for Charlize Theron, didn’t it?’

Is it A) She has heavy bones; B) She has a glandular problem; C) Her liposuction went wrong when a nurse accidentally set the vacuum to blow instead of suck; or D) She’s been eating too much?

Okay, pens down…and hands up, all those of you who chose Option D.

Yes, the National Enquirer has talked to top New York weight loss specialist Dr Stacy Title and he thinks the singer’s 20lb bulge is a result of the ingestion of food.

And not just any food – Dr Title points the accusing finger at junk food.

‘Fast food,’ he says, ‘is usually the choice because it’s always available. Unfortunately, fast food like doughnuts, hot dogs and cookies are also the most fattening.’

If true, the significance of Dr Title’s findings could be enormous for the (enormous) American populace as a whole.

By demonstrating a link between the consumption of food, particularly fatty foods, and the size of one’s stomach, the good doctor is well on his way to suggesting a remedy for the country’s chronic obesity – people could eat less.

Yes, it may sound drastic and we emphasise that Dr Title is as yet still a voice in the wilderness, but the evidence provided by photos of Britney’s flabby tummy is compelling.

The Enquirer says that the 22-year-old singer is so chunky that dancers even had trouble lifting her during rehearsals for an appearance on a new talk show, On Air With Ryan Seacrest.

Not only that but on the show itself, Britney (who once declared ‘Chocolate for me is just like an orgasm’) shared with Seacrest some chocolates from a heart-shaped box the size of an easy chair.

Not all doctors agree with Dr Title, however. Anorak’s own specialist, Dr A Quack MD (Taco Bell University), says the links between fast food and obesity are tenuous at best.

‘I look at the photos of Britney’s belly and I see a women with a glandular problem,’ he says.

‘If I were her doctor, I would prescribe a Beef Chalupa Supreme, a side of nachos, and large fries, all washed down with an emperor-size shake.

‘If the problem still persists, I would suggest an appearance on one of Ricky Lake’s ‘I May Be Fat, But I’m Still All That’ specials.”



Posted: 2nd, March 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink