Happy Mothers’ Day

‘MOTHER’S Day is a time to look at your own mother – then to look at all the mothers featured in OK! and realise how bad a hand fate has dealt you.

‘Who are you calling a monosyllabic moron?’

Your mother might profess to love you, but did she ever say so much in the pages of Hello!? Did she ever divorce your dad and marry someone richer and better looking? Did she ever have an eating disorder or a problematic womb?

No, she did not. And it’s only out of routine she’ll be getting a pulled-up daisy from the local park and a homemade card this year.

If only she were more like Claudia Schiffer, you’d be called something interesting like Caspar and your mum would be taking sense.

‘I’d always listened to first-time parents banging on about their new babies and thought that they sounded like monosyllabic morons,’ says Claudia.

‘And now here I am sounding like a monosyllabic moron. It just renders you speechless.’

This is far from the truth since Casper is blessed with two syllables, and so is not one bit like those ubiquitous celebrity offspring Jake and Max, and Claudia is not speechless since she is speaking.

If she wants to be struck dumb she should have called her child Louise, as that other mum of renown Sophie Wessex called her child, and had it fathered by Prince Edward.

A shot of Lady Louise in this Mother’s Day special shows her to be every bit as handsome as her dad and as hard working as her mum. Louise is one of the lucky ones, who got celebrity parents.

Just like Marina has Matt Le Blanc and Melissa McKnight to call mom and dad; just like James has Sara Jessica Parker to look up to; and just like Beatrice can coo at Heather Mills.

These are the mothers that care, cuts above the usual dross. And we salute them, and wonder why out our mothers did not love us enough to show us off in Hello!…’

Posted: 17th, March 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink