The Laughing Policemen

‘WHEN the Metropolitan police commissioner Sir John Stevens talks, people listen.

Even Jordan doesn’t have three

And that’s not always because he’s talking through a massive loud hailer and more shouting than talking. Sometimes, it’s because he talks sense.

Having told us that a terror attack on London is “inevitable”, and so made the rest of us as anxious and sweaty as Charles Kennedy, Stevens tells us how to combat the, er, inevitable.

Stage one would be to leave London. But from the highly trained mind of a copper, there comes some alternative advice.

Thankfully, all advice can be contained in the simple warning: remain vigilant. If you see anyone doing anything suspicious, tell the police.

If they are photographing famous London buildings, then tell the police.

They might be German tourists, but their arrest and subsequent interrogation is a small price to pay for our continued freedom.

Oh, and if when you do tell the police, do try to address them without looking at their hats and laughing.

The Independent says that the new unisex police helmet is making the constabulary a joke.

Jason Hunt, of the City of London Police, writes in the Police Review: “Faceless individuals are being allowed to sweep away a piece of national identity with no remit to do so.

“I take great exception at being made to look a laughing stock by having to wear this ridiculous item.”

He and others like him call for the return of the old helmet, with its reassuring pert nipple on top and rounded base.

A helmet that virtually guarantees law and order on its own.’

Posted: 22nd, March 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink