The Duel In The ‘Pool

‘ANOTHER day, another chapter in the Rooney-McCloughlin feud.

Mr McCloughlin wins in Round 8

Today, young Wayne reflects, via the pages of the Daily Star, upon his heartbreak as he watched his ‘beautiful’ fiancée Colleen in tears at the day that was supposed to be perfect.

(By the way, the word ‘beautiful’ is in inverted commas in the paper itself – and we can’t help wondering whether this indicates Wayne’s own comments, or something more sarcastic on the part of the Star.)

Anyway, talking of Wayne’s own words, the lad seems to have blossomed from being a monosyllabic wallflower into a man who speaks fluent tabloidese.

‘I was so heartbroken that I cried,’ he said. ‘Now faceless people are feeding speculation that the family are at war.’

And here, right on cue, comes the Sun, shouting at the top of its voice like a drunken party guest.

‘I’LL HAVE ROO!’ it yells. ‘Wayne dad ends feud with boxing bout.’

It transpires that Wayne and Colleen’s fathers (both former boxers) will don their XXL trunks and knock seven shades of ordure out of each other at the Everton Park Sports Centre next month.

But just in case you thought that this was just an excuse to stir things up, the paper insists that the whole thing is simply a local tradition that lives on from an age of self-discipline and dignity.

‘Both families are from Liverpool, where it is traditional to settle disputes with a punch-up,’ explains Showbiz Reporter Martel Maxwell.

A ‘pal’ is quoted as saying that no weapons are used, and when the fight is finished the feud is never spoken of again.

‘They are doing this so the two families are not still at each other’s throats at their wedding later this year.’

He points out that both men know what they’re doing, ‘but it won’t be pretty’.’

Posted: 31st, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink