Big Bother

‘DO you wonder what the future holds in store for Kate Lawler? Russell Grant is saying nothing, so we can only conclude that the future holds nothing.

In fine spittle

The winner of Big Brother something-or-other will do nothing. She will appear in nothing. Nothing will happen to her. She will go nowhere, whether on a short or long journey. She will meet no-one, dark mysterious strangers included. Her career will come to nothing.

Remember, Lawler fans, that this is not us speaking but the crystal ball, the tarot cards and opened palms crossed with silver that make up Russell Grant’s life.

We, on the other had, wish Kate Lawler the very best of luck in whatever she does, even if it is merely ordering another ice-cream to complement the one OK! watches her devour.

She might, as is the way with Big Brother winners, go on to appear at Liverpool’s Newz Bar and, while there, dine on a meal of goats cheese spring rolls with petite nicoise salad.

OK! offered that exact meal to Craig Phillips, winner of Big Brother 1, and his mouth watered at the prospect.

Of course, Craig’s mouth waters most of the time. Craig who sounds like he’s drowning in a sea of spittle, can be seen seated alongside his beloved Sharon, dressed for their date in a wet-suit.

The multi-talented pair can turn their hands to DIY and modelling just as easily as they can get their mouths around some chateaubriand with béarnaise sauce in a jus of, er, spittle.

It’s little surprise that over the three course of their meal, Craig and Sharon wear three different outfits each.

Thankfully, they are all drip dry, which means that by the time Craig has drenched the last one of Sharon’s dresses in his Scouse charm and bits of angel food cake, her first outfit is ready for another showering.’

Posted: 4th, May 2004 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink