Beckham Gets Wood

‘GOT wood? David Beckham has.

It’s a bit fatter than Her Poshness, but the boobs are equally fake

Ever the traditionalists, we at Anorak Towers have marked the footballer’s fifth wedding anniversary with a gift.

We’ve handcrafted an Anorak fertility symbol. Hewn from pure ebony and inlaid with jet, this gift will bring luck and comfort to David as he and his lovely wife plough on regardless towards year six.

You should be able to see it in this week’s OK! tribute to the couple after they made it to the end of year five.

But over 41 pages of pictures and articles, in which OK! finds room for such eclectic stuff as the day the couple met and an advert for Jersey Royal potatoes, we see no hint of our gift.

And at once we realise our oversight. What with this being Posh ‘n’ Becks, we should have got a matching fertility symbol for her.

If only one of the pair has the gift, equilibrium may be lost and anything might happen. Hell, he may even be impelled to have an affair.

But while Posh waits for her version of our sap-inducing stick, OK! takes time to see what kind of gifts they may buy each other.

That is a nice blouse. And that is a charming hair bubble. And, my, what a lovely mobile phone.

But Posh has no need of Rebecca Loos’ cast-offs – why should she when she can have such items as a Shizue handbag, a diamond crucifix priced at £42,000 and a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.

But the pick of the lot must be the bespoke Ebury bag. Readers learn that David can have a secret message embossed in his handwriting into the bag.

Or, if he’s not up to the penmanship, perhaps a text message instead…’

Posted: 7th, June 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink