Driven To Distraction

‘THANKS to the TV Licensing survey into criminality, we now know that the face of modern crime has a blonde bob, drives a 4×4 and operates children called Jake and Molly.

‘Three points on your licence…’

The middle classes’ reputation for lawbreaking is all too believable, although the Mail is struggling come to terms with the truth.

So the paper has had a think about the nature of other modern offences not listed in the TV Licensing survey. And it’s found what it believes to be a winner.

Few who have stepped beyond their front doors can have failed to have noticed the number of cars carrying little plastic Cross of St George flags.

The nationalistic fervour triggered by England’s participation in the 2004 European football championships has led to around a million of the little flags being sold and waved.

And news is that each and every car-flag flutterer could be breaking the law – flying the flag may put you in breach of road safety regulations.

To the Mail, whose middle class readership survives on a diet of golf and rugby union, this is terrific news.

Such flag waving is the mainstay of the lower orders (see the Star’s poster of Lucy Pinder in a patriotic England bikini), and criminalizing them would restore the natural order.

So now learn that under the Road & Traffic Act of 1998, drivers who obscure the windows of their vehicles are liable for a £2,500 fine or three penalty points.

If the football fans must have their flags, they should tie them to their jeep’s bullbars, like any normal and upstanding Mail reader…’

Posted: 8th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink