The Future’s Orange

‘STANDING on a somewhat contradictory platform of ‘Free sunbeds for all’ and ‘No more darkies’, Robert Kilroy Silk is marching inexorably towards Downing Street.

And lo! A strange orange apparition appeared…

The former TV presenter’s UK Independence Party – a ragbag of eurosceptics, xenophobes and outright racists – is expected to double its vote in Thursday’s European elections.

According to a Times poll, UKIP is heading for 13% of what promises to be a low vote, just behind the Liberal Democrats on 17%, the Tories on 24% and Labour on 26%.

It may not be enough to sweep the Arab-loving Kilroy Silk into power, but the orangey-brown tide is running very much in his favour.

The Times says the main losers in the election look like being Michael Howard and the Tory party, who have been haemorrhaging support to Kilroy and his melanin-enhanced friends.

The Tories’ in-house paper, the Telegraph, reads the same runes as the Times, and can see disaster lurking ahead.

It says UKIP’s strong performance has put the Tory truce on Europe under increasing strain with pro-European MPs demanding that Howard put out a positive message about the benefits of Brussels.

Meanwhile, the party’s legion of Eurosceptics are saying precisely the opposite, accusing their leader of being too tolerant to federalists in Brussels.

Indeed, the paper paints an even worse picture than the Times, suggesting that UKIP’s support is as high as 21% of likely voters.

The good news, however, is that many of these voters will not get the chance to put a cross – or smudge of fake tan – next to Kilroy Silk’s name.

The Times says the controversial all-postal ballot experiment in four regions of England is descending into the predictable fiasco with tens of thousands of ballot papers apparently lost in the post.

All of which begs the question of why we need Europe when we can make a mess of our country perfectly well on our own…’

Posted: 8th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink