The Wild One

‘YOU can’t libel the dead – but, boy, can you ever lionise them.

‘I coulda been a contender’

And in which week’s Enquirer we learn the incredible news that a 400lb man climaxed eight times in one night.

Even when we learn that the sperm whale in question was a 73-year-old Marlon Brando, we still find the news hard to believe.

But we at Anorak have learnt from experience that you can trust Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss to tell the truth (and keep a secret) and, when she says Brando managed it eight times in one night, we take notice.

‘Marlon left me wanting more – he was one of the best lovers I’ve ever had,’ says Fleiss, who adds that romping with the Oscar-winning actor was a ‘dream come true’.

‘He was absolutely amazing. He went all night. I was shocked. Eventually, when the sun came up, I was the one to tell him, ‘I have to go’.’

This is some praise from a woman engaged in the sex industry, in a country where stamina in the sack is prized so highly.

And Brando’s headstone gets another polish when Fleiss compares him to another Hollywood randy old man, sorry, smouldering lothario.

‘Jack Nicholson lives just across the street and I know that house pretty well too,’ says Fleiss, ‘but I thought Marlon was far dirtier than Jack.’

Of course he was – have you ever seen a 400lb man trying to wash his body? It’s no easy task. Dirt comes easy to the large of bone.

But that eight-times-a-night record makes us wonder. Was there a method to his madness – was Marlon getting in part to star as the main act in the biopic of five-times a night Ralph Halpern’s life?

Or was there something more to it? You see, during this marathon eight-hour love session, Brando kept doing something that struck even a well-educated woman like Fleiss as a little odd, perverse even.

‘He was eating grapes in between what we were doing,’ says she. ‘I thought that was a little odd, almost like he was on a diet.’

Since Brando’s diet seems to have consisted of eating something more fattening than fruit, the grapes take on a mysterious quality.

And makes us wonder if there was, perhaps, something on them or in them that supported Brando’s love making? In other words, were those grapes seeded?’

Posted: 23rd, July 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink