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Anorak | Madras Hole

Madras Hole

by | 2nd, August 2004

‘WHEN most popstars leave bands, they fret about how their solo careers will fare. They have one or maybe two second bites at fame’s cherry before things go sour.

Kerry shows off her Madras-sets

But not Bryan McPadding. And this is because when Bryan left Westlife, he was fat. And his fatness led him to meet a nutritionist who told him he ‘could ‘lose weight or die”.

And since Bryan lost weight – getting his mass down from Feltzene proportions to ‘slimline’ – it follows that he will not die.

This is some news, especially for those of you who have, like Bryan, slaughtered entire herds of cattle in the name of Dr Atkins.

And it makes us wonder what Bryan will look like in, say, two hundred years time – when he makes his umpteenth comeback tour.

And will Kerry McPadding, immortal Bryan’s wife of today, still be equally alive in 2204 or will she have gone the way of so many cattle?

We’re not sure. And we can only say that the McPaddings should enjoy the time they have now because tomorrow is another day.

So here’s Kerry making the most of life and telling us that she has lost loads of weight like her Bryan – thanks to a ‘hectic combination of looking after two young children, working hard and ‘grabbing snacks’ along the way’.

But she can still has a ‘passion for takeaway curries, full-fat Coke and a ‘fag in the morning”.

We at Anorak like an Indian blow-out as much as the next drunk, but chowing down on a King Prawn Madras in the morning is too much even for us.

But this is Kerry McPadding – cockroach-eating jungle survivor – and, if it works for her, then we can only look on in wonder.

And do not doubt that it does work for her – just look at her stats.

From being ten and a half stones and five feet tall when she went into the I’m A Celebrity… clearing all those moons ago, Kerry now tips the scales at just under nine stones but, crucially, remains just five feet tall.

‘I think I’m just under nine stone. But my boobs weigh three stone each, and that’s just my nipples!’

Which means her weight should plummet when the breast to the right is drained of curry sauce and the other one is tapped for full-fat Coke.’



Posted: 2nd, August 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink