Brother Beyond

‘WHILE you may not have watched it, since Big Brother is made-for-tabloid television, it’s been hard to avoid reading about the show.

‘Great! Cowpie for lunch again’

And with the final insult yet to be perpetuated, the papers lead with news of those contestants who have made us all feel so much better about our own miserable, unfulfilled lives.

First up is Nadia, or, as the Sun calls her, ‘Bruv’s sex-swap star’, the ‘lovable Portu-geezer’ – and clear favourite to win this year’s crown.

And here’s her long-lost dad, Luis Leonardo, blinking back tears as he hears of his son Jorge’s sex change and blurting out: ‘I will love him forever – as a son or a daughter.’

That’s a wonderful sentiment, and one that is sure to touch Nadia when she learns how the man who hasn’t seen her since 1992 – a man described as ‘being ‘down-on-his-luck’ – congratulates her on winning the better part of £100,000.

The other Big Brother story concerns brassy Michelle Bass and drippy Stuart Wilson, who met on the show, had sex under a table on the show and then were both evicted from the show.

Today, they’re on the cover of the Star, kissing and cuddling and telling the paper’s Peter Dyke (‘Mr Reality TV’) about their love affair.

‘It’s so great to be back together,’ says Chicken Stu. ‘I’ve missed Michelle. Now I’m out of the house, our relationship can finally begin for real.’

Hold on a mo, Stu. Are you saying that what we saw on the reality TV show was something other than the genuine thing?

Whatever it was or wasn’t, Stu now says he’s happy to have met someone he’s going to ‘have a solid relationship with’.

That’s just great news for Michelle, who chased the long-haired Macclesfield lad with all the guile of a wolf stalking a spring lamb.

But she should be warned that Stu is not exactly hard to please. While he sings words of praise for Michelle, he does the same about all the other original housemates.

He has a ‘lot of respect for Kitten’; ‘Ahmed, man, was an entity’; ‘Dan was an absolute legend’; ‘Jason was a good dude’; ‘Shell said I was like a little brother to her’; ‘Nadia is truly fabulous’; ‘Marco was a fun guy’; ‘Vanessa ‘seemed like a nice girl’; ‘Victor was funny’; and ‘Emma was cool’.

Michelle, meanwhile, is ‘fantastic’. Which, in the language of Stu, is somewhere above ‘awesome’ and just below ‘amazing’.’

Posted: 6th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink