The God Squad

‘CAN Delia Smith do for wafers what she did for the boiled egg?

‘Hands up who wants wafers’

We ask this important question in light of the Telegraph’s news of Delia’s latest recipe for success.

Having taught the nation how to turn on the oven, how to open the oven and also the news that an oven can get “hot”, the country’s favourite cook now wants us to pray.

Smith, who along with her husband is a majority shareholder at Norwich City FC, wants to mark the team’s arrival in the Premier League by following their opening match against Crystal Palace with a Roman Catholic mass.

The paper offers the opinion that it might be better to conduct a service along the lines of the last rites, given Norwich’s slim chances of surviving their first season in football’s top league.

But having taught us how to boil an egg, Delia might just be successful in turning football grounds into genuine places of worship.

“I am very much hoping that it is very well attended. I am hoping very much that many supporters and staff feel able to attend…If it is well attended, we might be able to have it two of three times a season.”

And why not go further and merge some of football’s elements into the ways of the Church.

So stand up if you hate the ways of the Devil.

“We’re on the march with Jesus’ army, we’re all going to Heaven not Hell, and we’ll really shake ‘em up when we sup the communion cup, ‘cos Jesus is the greatest name of all.”

Amen to that.’

Posted: 9th, August 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink