The Flying Squad

‘THE British bobby has never been much of one for solving crime, as countless detective stories recount, but he was always the best in the world at giving directions and telling the time.

A right constable

While American cops spent most of their time shooting the innocent and the rest shooting themselves, there was a limit to how much damage the British copper – armed with only a whistle and a bike – could do.

However, never underestimate the resourcefulness of the humble constable in this regard.

The Guardian has news of how one of the Queen’s prized paintings has been ruined by a policeman entrusted to look after it.

The unnamed officer was apparently attempting to close a window at St James’s Palace when the chair he was standing on collapsed.

‘He flung out his arm, grabbed the curtains and landed in a heap in the drapes,’ a Scotland Yard source confirmed.

‘He then saw a hole in the canvas. He still doesn’t know how he did it. He either stuffed his hand through it or a curtain hook ripped into it.’

Either way, it sounds like an open and shut case of criminal damage to us, although the Royal Family have apparently taken a lenient view.

Had it been by a more important work than that by the 19th Century painter Morley, maybe they would have been less amused.

But it does make you wonder what the Royal Family thinks of the policemen assigned to look after them.

First they usher an Osama Bin Laden lookalike into Prince William’s birthday party, then they started offering guided tours of the Queen’s quarters to undercover reporters and now they start wrecking the Royal Collection.

Perhaps, they should go back to giving directions and telling the time. We could probably still win a gold medal for that…’

Posted: 16th, August 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink