Who’s The Daddy?

‘THE crèche at No.10 is getting ready for a new arrival to play with Leo Blair and John Brown.

‘We’re up shit’s creek and look who’s got the paddle’

Having learnt earlier in the week that Home Secretary David Blunkett’s Tory credentials don’t just end with his hard line stance on law and order, we now hear that his married lover is with child.

The Mirror puts this joyous news on its front page, saying that Kimberley Fortier is seven months pregnant and that Blunkett will stand by her.

The only thing we don’t hear is whether or not the baby is Blunkett’s or that of the cuckolded husband.

But no matter, because in the Mirror Mr Fortier (or whatever his name might be) has been airbrushed from the story.

Blunkett is not a love cheat with lax morals, a man with a ‘high and mighty moralistic tone’ (Mail) who has been exposed as a scoundrel, but a simple soul who vows to ‘love her to the end’.

Your opinion on Blunkett’s affair has lots to do with your politics, it would seem.

But while we debate Blunkett, there can no longer be any denying the fact that his Cabinet colleague John Prescott is a real-life hero.

What we at Anorak have known for some time even the Mail (‘Prezza: The Making Of A Hero’) now acknowledges, as the papers relate the story of how Prezza has saved the life of an injured canoeist.

Overlook for a moment the fact that because of a diabolical transport infrastructure Graham Cook felt impelled to paddle to work, and just know that, when things went wrong, Prezza was there in a flash.

On a visit to the National Whitewater Centre in Snowdonia, Wales, Prescott saw Cook’s kayak collide with an inflatable raft.

‘While we were standing there, this canoe went over and this fella fell out and gashed his forehead,’ says the Deputy PM to the Express.

‘He was trying to get to the bank when one of the rafts landed on him.

‘He got to the quay and one of my Special Branch guys ran over and grabbed hold of one side and we pulled him ashore…I mopped the blood from his face and let him rest for a few minutes.’

Blessedly, Prezza and his unnamed bodyguard had saved the day and the stricken commuter was soon up on his feet.

Now all Prezza has to do is deliver the Blunkett baby without anyone noticing, and everything will be right with the world…’

Posted: 17th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink