Reign On Their Parade

‘PERHAPS when Kelly Holmes and her fellow glorious Olympians return for their Downing Street reception, Jamie Oliver can do something with their garlands.

The British gymnastics team

But before Tony, Cherie and their invited guests can applaud Oliver’s Pukka Olympic Pie in front of the flashing cameras, there is – according to the Times – the parade.

Such is the Prime Minister’s desire to be personally associated with every national success, that you half expect him to pull on one of the five free Team GB tracksuits his wife blagged in Athens and join the champions for the jaunt in an open-topped bus round London’s West End.

What odds Tony, Cherie, Euan, Nicky and Kathryn passing themselves off as some coxed fives boat crew with the pint-sized Leo calling the strokes?

But let’s not be churlish, because if the Government is genuine about wanting to bring the Games to London in 2012, raising the Olympic profile among the masses cannot hurt.

And if the bid is successful, perhaps the powers that be will do as the bigwigs behind the China 2008 Games are doing and issue a phrasebook to help visitors understand the local lingo.

According to the Times, the booklet – Basic Chinese 100 for Beijing 2008 Olympic Games – advises wannabe Mandarin speakers how to say things like, ‘The sports facilities are very good, everything is exceptionally well organised and the service is great’.

And if you get stuck for conversation with your Chinese cab driver as the car becomes entrenched in another toxic-filled mega-traffic jam, simply lean forwards, tap him on the shoulder and say: ‘These Olympic mascots and Chinese knots look very nice.’

The emphasis is very much on emphasising the positive.

So in readiness for 2012, let’s put pen to paper and create the language of the London Olympics.

‘President Blair and Prime Minister Livingstone are wonderful men with hearts of gold, blessed with the speed of a gazelle, the grace of a swan and the opportunism of two Oxford Street pickpockets…”

Posted: 25th, August 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink