Christmas Turkey

‘WHEN Ben Affleck dies (which we sincerely hope is many years after his career goes the same way), he should have the famous line from Gigli, the film he made with then girlfriend Jennifer Lopez, inscribed on his tombstone.

”No two ways about it, son. You stink!”

“Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! It’s turkey time!”

There are some stars whose name alone can sell a film, whose on-screen presence can pretty well carry a film. There are some who can sink it – and Affleck is as effective in the latter category as any number of icebergs.

His latest film Surviving Christmas – a film about a lonely rich guy who hires a pretend family for the Christmas holidays – is unlikely to live up to its name, taking a paltry $3m in its first weekend – less even than Gigli’s disastrous opening.

And critics have been queuing up to tell readers what Anorak has been saying for years – Affleck cannot act his way out of a torn paper bag.

As the man himself, as the San Antonio Express-News notes, remains convinced that he is a leading man “despite mounting evidence to the contrary”, we’ll share a couple of those reviews with you.

The Boston Globe, for instance, says: “Surviving Christmas is exactly what’s wrong with Hollywood.” The Philadelphia Inquirer says: “It is, from conception to execution, an unalloyed, unmitigated, unqualified disaster.”

And finally, Jessica Winter in the Village Voice: “This ghastly comedy emits the subliminal whine of a sucking chest wound.”

Enough is enough. We’re sure, with the generosity of Anorak readers, we can get together enough money to send Affleck back to college to retrain in a job he can do. Because acting sure ain’t it…’

Posted: 26th, October 2004 | In: Big Brother TV Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink