Going Underground

‘AS Londoners wedge themselves onto the overcrowded Tube system on their way to Heathrow and a new life abroad, they should take a look around the carriage.

Fergie in her Chris Evans disguise

Glance up from your fellow passengers’ shoes, look away from those adverts for herbal uppers and car insurance and check out that woman with the long black hair.

See how she’s looking at the man with the open-toed sandals with a wanton gleam in her eye. Look on in wonderment as her weight balloons and deflates before your very eyes. Spot the helicopter badge on her lapel.

And now imagine her with red hair. Yes, that’s it. And you soon see who it is. It’s Fergie, the Duchess of York.

The Mirror says that the woman who usually gets around in an open-topped, horse-drawn carriage has taken to travelling on the Underground.

Her disguise stops short of a paper cup and a hand-written note claiming she’s a Romanian refugee in desperate need of cash, but her new mode of transport perhaps suggests that her bank balance is not all it might be.

However, just as we reach for some spare change, Fergie claims her Tube riding has nothing to do with fiscal necessity, but rather her need to arrive on time.

According to the usually flamed-haired one, the only way she can guarantee getting to her next appointment on the dot is to make the journey by train.

As anyone who has ever sat on a stationary Tube train and listened to their heartbeats counting down the seconds until death, this doesn’t ring all that true.

Unless her appointment is with the ticket inspector…’

Posted: 5th, November 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink