Anorak | St Elsewhere

St Elsewhere

by | 5th, November 2004

‘IT is with no great regret that we have to inform the people of St Albans that we are planning to change the name of their town.

St Alban’s head was considered offensive to the Romans

Following a long and costly consultation process (conducted entirely in our local pub, The Pissed Newt), we are recommending that the prefix ”Saint” be removed.

References to the first English martyr are, we have decided, highly offensive to Jews and Muslims, not to mention the vast numbers of us who have not been (and maybe never will be) canonised.

Never mind that in the 1700 years since St Alban’s death, no Jews or Muslims have ever complained about the name it is hardly our fault if the pork dodgers and towel heads don’t know what’s good for them.

And lest you think that we are picking on the Hertfordshire town for special treatment, you should know that we are recommending similar treatment to St Ives, St Ratford, St Oke…

Nor was this our idea originally we got it from Islington Council, which (says this morning’s Times) is suggesting it

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