Little Shops Of Horrors

‘MAYA’S madness reached its crescendo this week when she decided that if she couldn’t have Dev and his chain of back street corner shops then no one could.

You don’t have to be mad to work at Dev’s, but it helps

Without sparing a thought for the hundreds of people who rely on Dev for their 20 B&H and over priced pints of milk everyday, Maya set about setting off a chain of firebombs in each of his seven shops.

As Dev and Sunita lay in bed, Dev’s phone rang to tell him that one of his shops was on fire. Quicker than you could say “lost stock”, he was out of bed and speeding off into his car to assess the damage.

This was simply stage one of Maya’s plan, however, as once Dev was safely out of the way, it meant she could break into the flat and hold Sunita hostage. “You’d better do what you’re best at and play dumb,” she snarled at a terrified Sunita.

As Dev raced from shop to shop, he quickly realised that the fires were no accidents. “Do you have any enemies, sir?” a policeman asked him – apart from those who believe his acting is a crime against humanity, obviously.

“Maya!” he screamed, before jumping back into his car and heading back for the shop.

This, of course, was all part of Mental Maya’s plan – she may be a loony but she sure does know how to put a plan together. Indeed, since when was sanity required to be a functioning member of the legal profession?

Dev broke into the flat to find Sunita tied up and Maya ready with a police truncheon to bash him on the head (probably best not ask where she got hold of that).

“You ruined my life,” she shrieked at him, “and now you must pay.” Switching on the gas oven and throwing a lit match into the shop, Maya then made a hasty exit to a safe distance to watch the fireworks.

Unfortunately for Maya, she hadn’t taken into account the fact that Weatherfield – like New York – never sleeps. At the very moment that the shop was going up in flames, Rita was leaving her house to start on the papers.

She bumped into Leanne and Jamie who were coming home from a night’s clubbing. Leanne’s fishwife screams on seeing the smoke pouring out of the shop were enough to wake the dead and within minutes Charlie and Cerian were breaking down the shop door and dragging Dev and Sunita out.

On seeing her dastardly plan – quite literally – going up in smoke, Maya really went mental. Whereas most arch criminals would retire to their hideout built under a volcano to regroup, Maya decided to drive her car straight at Dev and Sunita.

Of course she missed and ended up ploughing into an on-coming lorry. Dev and Sunita looked on hopelessly as her car went up in flames.

Dev should have known breaking up with Maya would end in disaster – hasn’t he seen the advert: where’s there’s blame, there’s a claim.’

Posted: 26th, November 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink