Rough Times

‘WHILE David Blunkett pines for his former lover, problems are stacking up in his in-tray – and chief among them is a chronic shortage in this country…of golfers.

Riff-raff everywhere…

Yes, as the Express has no doubt discovered in recent years, there are only so many white, middle-aged bigots and bores in this country.

And no longer are there enough to fill all the golf clubs that have been built to contain them.

The Times reports that dwindling membership and declining interest has forced many clubs to open their doors to, well, to riff-raff.

Bill Jardine, the secretary of Lothianburn golf club on the outskirts of Edinburgh, explains: ‘When I started here, we had a waiting list of about 100 and we didn’t have to advertise.

‘But the waiting list has disappeared and we have started holding an annual open day on a Sunday when anyone can come along and pay £5 to play a round.’

The problem is just as acute in England, where a survey by the EGU revealed that there were 46,690 membership vacancies and 75% of all clubs were actively seeking new members.

The paper says ‘car park golfers’, who change in the car park and never set foot in the clubhouse, have replaced old-style members who brought money in by drinking at the bar.

But it is not just about money, it’s also about standards.

Some of these car park golfers have breasts (banned by Rule 16.1.2.1.54), others have suspiciously dark all-year-round tans (banned by Rule 14.3.2.1.22) and still others have a modicum of dress sense (banned by Rule 11.1.1.2.40).

Hell, there’s even an admittedly apocryphal report of a homosexual ‘swinging his club with gay abandon’ at a course in Kent.’

Posted: 29th, November 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink