Rock Bottom

‘“I HAVE nothing to hide,” says former Royal butler Paul Burrell, as he relaxes in a post-jungle bath with only a pint of Guinness and a Mirror photographer for company.

How her husband must be missing her

“I’m just an ordinary, happy, jolly person who likes to keep the mood upbeat. If that is misinterpreted as being camp, then it’s a little silly.”

But has the butler got something to hide? Joe Pasquale, the squeaky-voiced winner of I’m A Celebrity, certainly thinks so over in the Sun.

“I know secret of The Rock’s bottom,” he boasts on its front page, revealing that Burrell has a tattoo of a red dragon on his bum.

Of course, we only have Burrell’s word for the existence of said tattoo.

“I asked for a look,” Joe says, “and he said ‘No.’ I said, ‘Don’t you want me to check your arse for leeches and ticks?’ He refused to show it.”

As any red-blooded heterosexual former Royal butler would.

But back to the Mirror where we learn that Burrell is keen to put his days as guardian of the Princess’s dresses behind him.

“I can’t erase the magical memories of life with the princess,” he says, “but I feel I can move on and let go now.

“I discovered the real me in the jungle, lost the butler and dealt with some demons. Viewers saw the real Paul Burrell.”

Or at least as much of the real Paul Burrell as he was prepared to show us – or Joe.

But while Joe adjusts to life as King Of The Jungle and Paul tries on his Prince Of The Jungle tiara, the Star catches up with the show’s other contestants at the final party.

There’s Brian Harvey arriving with his girlfriend Emma B, Sophie Anderton with her boyfriend Mark Alexiou and Vic Reeves with his wife Nancy Sorrell.

And here’s Natalie Appleton walking in alone. That’ll be alone. Without her husband. Who’s a long way away.

Sniff, sniff! There, there, Natalie, don’t you start crying again…’

Posted: 8th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink