Whacks Works

‘WITHOUT Ozzy, reality TV and mass marketing, Sharon Osbourne would just be another over-hyped wannabe with two dysfunctional children and a pair of questionable breasts.

All of us have our crosses to bear

And one man who has had enough of this pernicious breed has taken some direct action.

Seeing the statues of the Virgin Mary Posh and her husband David Joseph in the Madame Tussaud’s nativity scene, an unknown young visitor could take no more.

As the Sun says (”POSH AND BECKS BATTERED BY YOB”), a ”crazed attacker” caused ”extensive damage” to the waxwork models of the duo when he smashed their faces in.

Managers of the tourist attraction are right now studying video footage of the man repeatedly banging his fists into the waxy faces of the world’s favourite couple.

Over and over again they will see the angry young man bury his knuckle sandwich into Posh’s mouth and Dave’s head, pounding away in what a spokesman for the museum brilliantly calls ”an unprovoked attack”.

As the Mail says, the result is severe bruising to the couple’s faces, and the grim realisation that it is unlikely the models will be fully repaired before the display closes on January 3.

And since everyone knows that Posh gave birth to her little bay-bee Jee-sus some time before that, a stand-in couple are very much needed.

Although, given the nature of the job – the ability to do nothing other than look waxy and pout for hours at a time – the real Posh might just fill the void.

Providing anyone can work out which one she is…’

Posted: 13th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink