Sooty & Sweep

‘JAMIE Oliver should be ashamed of himself.

”Have you got your NVQs, kids?”

Yes, for fighting in public. And yes, for that other thing. But chiefly he should be castigated for the mince pies on sale at his chain of Sainsbury’s supermarkets. They are a disgrace.

For starters, since when has tongue been a viable ingredient in a pie? And where’s the mince?

As the Mail says, there should be real beef mince in a mince pie, and 350 years ago, beef, lamp or veal was an ”essential” ingredient in the seasonal treat.

So, the paper has produced a recipe to show Jamie and us how to make them the proper way, with a handy hint to ensure the mince is parboiled for ten minutes and allowed to cool before being stuffed inside the pastry shell.

Very soon, all your Christmases will be like those good old holidays of yesteryear.

And – hark! – what’s that noise coming from the chimney? It sounds like a man. And he’s coming down.

Hang on a mo, this chap’s got a black face and, in the Mail’s eyes, that isn’t right – it can’t be Santa, he’s as white as the driven snow.

Which means… Steady on. Have a sip of sherry and don’t panic, good Mail reader, it’s not a burglar either – it’s just the local chimney seep.

As the paper says, Britain’s old chimneys are coming back to life as we eschew the obvious charms of central heating for a real fire.

And that means the return of the sweep, and the arrival of an NVQ is ”chimney engineering”.

”It is very high-tech now and everyone is qualified and certified to the highest Government standards,” said a spokesman for the National Association of Chimney Sweeps.

Before his mum gave him a clip round the ear and sent him off to bed…’

Posted: 14th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink