The Minute Men

‘IT is a truth universally acknowledged that a single pop star not in possession of a record contract is in need of a high-profile spouse.

”I will insaniate! Yes, I will insaniate!”

And so it is that pint-sized Aussie popster Peter Andre was yesterday named as one third of British teenagers’ favourite celebrity couple.

The other two thirds are of course provided by the massive mammaries that go to make up his fiancée, busty model Jordan.

The Star reports that the couple have displaced the Beckhams (another example of the truth of the above axiom) at the top of a survey of more than 20,000 girls aged between 12 and 18.

The publicity-seeking pair (and Peter) are due to get married later this year in a massive Disney-style wedding that will, they say, put the Beckhams’ nuptials to shame.

But what will Peter do after he becomes Mr Katie Price?

Mindful of the example shown by Victoria Beckham and with his own pop career fading faster than his wife after a night on the town, Mr Insania has asked Anorak to help him make plans for the future.

And we think we have already found him the perfect job, with the Mirror reporting that filming on the new BBC series of Dr Who has been hit by ”a shortage of midget actors”.

As the average height for a male actor is only 5ft 1in, this came as something of a surprise to us here at Anorak Towers.

The paper, however, says producers of the cult sci-fi series wanted actors under 4ft to play tiny blue aliens - only to find that most of them had been snapped up by the new Charlie And The Chocolate Factory and Harry Potter films.

”The two big movies have snapped up the talent,” complains an insider. ”It’s been hard to find who we want.”

No longer. Not only do we have every confidence that Peter will make a very good blue alien, but we’re prepared to throw in fellow failed popstar Brian Harvey as well.

Two midgets for the price of one. We can’t say fairer that that…’

Posted: 12th, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink