Pigs In Muck
‘WHAT do you get if you cross a pig pleasurer and a dogger? Why, a celebrity romance, of course.
| ”Meet you in the car park in five minutes” |
And a front page for the Star, which reports that Rebecca Loos, former PA to David Beckham and friend of swine everywhere, has begun a steamy affair with former footballer Stan Collymore.
”The couple have enjoyed red-hot secret dates,” it says, ”since they hit it off with raunchy kisses and massages on Five’s reality TV hit The Farm.
”But they are trying to take things slowly until 34-year-old Stan’s divorce is finalised next week.”
They may need to speed things up, however, as the Sun reports that Collymore will soon be quitting Britain and moving to America.
The paper says the man ”reviled after battering lover Ulrika Jonsson and ‘dogging’ for sex in car parks” has bought an apartment in Miami’s South Beach near his new friend OJ Simpson.
But the move is not just to escape his past – he dreams about becoming a film star…and is boasting to pals that he has already landed a major role in a Hollywood movie.
So what will become of Rebecca Loos when her lover heads for the Hollywood hills?
Where does her career go after giving a pig a hand job on TV?
The answer is not downwards – the sleazy senorita is one of a dozen ”celebs with credibility” after refusing to be conned into appearing on the Sun’s bogus reality TV show.
The paper invited dozens of celebs to spend two weeks down a mine near Mansfield as part of a programme called – drum roll – Back To Mine.
They were to be paid £40,000 each, with the bonus that they could emerge as qualified miners.
And if Rebecca Loos is one of the celebs with credibility, what does it say for the dozens who couldn’t wait to sign up?
The Sun knows, dubbing the likes of Jodie Marsh, Razor Ruddock, Lionel Blair, Neil Hamilton, Emma Greenwood and Rik Waller ”the most desperate celebs in Britain”.
Maybe not – tomorrow the paper reveals ”the losers who signed up to go naked”.
What’s the betting that one of them is Keith Chegwin?’
Posted: 27th, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
