Anorak

Anorak | Using His Knauss

Using His Knauss

by | 28th, January 2005

”’REPEAT after us: I Melania Knauss do take you Donald Trump to be my lawful wedded husband, as stipulated under the terms to our watertight prenuptial agreement.

”So, Mel, what first attracted you to billionaire Donald Trump?”

”I will love you, honour you and never ever comment on your wonderful mane of hair which seems to defy gravity as it swoops first back, then forwards and then to one side like a playful dolphin splashing in the surf of your eyebrows.”

But we are too late. The ink on our wedding bans was still wet when the Slovenian model with the name like a nasty skin complaint married the man of her dreams.

And what a do it was. Billed as an ”American royal wedding”, Donald appeared as Croesus surrounded by a vision of white and gold, the ”theme” for the after-show reception.

For her part, Melania wore a £100,000 strapless John Galliano dress, with a 13-foot train, and 16-foot long veil. It took 1,000 hours to make, including 550 hours to handstitch 1,500 rhinestones and pearls.

According to the designer, who produced his creation for Christian Dior, the dress creates a look that’s ”a cross between a Fifties pin-up and the Austrian empress Sissi”.

If so, Melania had best watch out – we know what happened to Grace Kelly and history books tell us that Sissi suffered from anorexia and was later shot dead by an Italian anarchist as she strolled through Geneva.

Not that Melania needs to worry about driving off a cliff or walking into trouble for, as the pictures in Hello! show, she seem to spend large chunks of her life sitting down or leaning into Donald.

She should also have no fear over her eating habits, as ”uberchef” Jean-Vongerichten whipped up a banquet of steamed shrimp salad, filet mignon with green peppercorn sauce and horseradish potatoes, washed down with lashings of Cristal 1983 champagne.

And lucky is was for those guests who had left a little room for afters, as the 5ft-high, seven-tiered wedding cake of ”orange chiffon confection covered with a light Grand Marnier butter crème and covered with 3,000 roses made from white icing” made its stately way into the ballroom.

As Donald fiddled with the cummerbund on his wedding outfit of tuxedo and white tie, the 36-piece orchestra struck up and it was time to dance the night away.

A little classical music to start with was followed by ”works from the great American songbook”, such as Gershwin (They All Laughed; Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off); Cole Porter (I’ve Still Got My Health; Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?) and Jerome Kern (Why Do I Love You?) got the crowd into the swing.

And Don and Mel fell even more madly in love…’



Posted: 28th, January 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink