Burglar Bashing

‘THE one piece of information the Government has been prepared to divulge is how to beat up a burglar.

Run out

Statistics may show that there have been only 12 cases in the past 15 years of homeowners being prosecuted for using excessive force against an intruder.

And only three of those have resulted in convictions.

But anyone reading the papers of late may be forgiven for thinking that we can barely move in our own homes for miscreants helping themselves to the family silver.

Perhaps, now that foxhunting has been banned, middle England needs a new victim on which to exercise its bloodlust.

Anyway, the Telegraph publishes the rules of the game on its front page – with a helpful graphic to aid with the scoring.

It would appear that taking a cricket bat to the ne’er-do-well scores a lot of points, provided of course the bat is wielded in accordance with the MCC coaching manual.

Similarly, you are allowed to rugby tackle said intruder, remembering of course to go low and lead with your shoulder.

Points are deducted for cross-bat shots, high tackles…and bludgeoning the felon to death.’

Posted: 2nd, February 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink