Branston Pickle

‘IN CASE you were thinking that some areas of British life are too boring to be affected by the national obsession about sex, think again.

The best little warehouse in Branston

The Sun brings news of a sex scandal at B&Q, which surely even the most perverted Anorak reader will agree is pretty low down the list of erotic playgrounds.

Yet it turns out that the story is just the latest in a string of incidents at the store, including “saucy” goings-on among shelf-stackers at the Wallesey superstore and “sex romps” in the Luton branch.

This time the setting is the curiously-named Showroom Fulfilment Centre in B&Q’s Branston branch.

With hindsight this name proves to be surprisingly apt, as it transpires that workers kept watch while a young female employee gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “shag-pile” by performing sex on a heap of rugs in the warehouse.

“She was charging £10 for starters and a bit more for full sex,” said a colleague. “Word got round and she became very popular.”

Hardly surprising. Value for money is B&Q’s watchword, and you can’t fault the youngster on that score. Nevertheless, she has been sacked by the company after being caught with more than £1,000 in her overalls.

The paper quotes a lorry driver who was familiar with the set-up, and he seems to suggest a bad case of double standards. “If they sacked all the people who’ve used this woman’s services then they would have to launch a major recruitment drive,” he said.

Then again, judging by their slogan (“You can do it if you B&Q it”) it could be that they already have…’

Posted: 1st, April 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink