Fighting For Seats

‘WHILE Tony, Michael and “call me Charles” fight for the top seat, the rest of are fighting for a seat on the train.

”Anyone smell cheese?”

But now, as the Times reports, help is at hand…elbow and the end of a gun.

A new book called Sit Down on a Commuter Train, written for the millions of Japanese who travel on public transport, is proving to be as popular over there as a rail union strike on a sunny day is over here.

The book tells you the subtle signs to look for that suggest a seated commuter is about to vacate their enviable position.

Hajimi Yorozu, the book’s author, says that catching a Tokyo commuter train is akin to a ride into the nether reaches of Hell.

But there’s no need to be uncomfortable when some devilish swine is shoving the red-hot tip of his umbrella up you.

“Watch people’s eyes closely,” says Yorozu. “Glances at a watch or station name are promising signs. People about to leave their seats will generally tend to uncross their legs, move their bags upright on their laps, or search in their pockets for a bookmark.”

While British readers prefer a guiding spit of sticky chewing gum to the neat and tidy Japanese bookmark, we consider the merits of this work.

And then dismiss it. Why bother waiting for a seat at all, say we, when you can do as many British do and board a train off your head on lager and reeking of piss.

You’ll get a seat soon enough. And, if you start singing, maybe even an entire carriage…

Paul Sorene is the Anorak’

Posted: 6th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink