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Anorak | An Unfair Cop

An Unfair Cop

by | 19th, May 2005

‘“HE’S late for his tea!” said Mr Rogers as he handed over three and fourpence for his usual pouch of Old Imperial pouch tobacco.

No PC Plod

A police siren wailed in the backround and an unmistakable smell of burning rubber filled the shop.

“I expect it’s that new PC Milton,” replied Mrs Hodge, who owned the village shop. “He always seems to be in a hurry.

Indeed he does. So much of a hurry that he has been up before the Beak on speeding charges.

The Daily Express reports that PC Milton clocked speeds of up to 159mph in the course of his duties along the highways and byways of Shropshire.

He was eventually stopped by members of his own West Mercia force. And he also stood accused of dangerous driving in his 3.2 litre Vauxhall Vsi – described in court as a “beast of a car”.

Milton’s defence was that he was “familiarising himself” with the motor, and on this occasion the Beak agreed.

“I am told that advanced drivers have to keep their skills finely tuned in the same way that batsmen don’t walk to the crease at Lord’s without practising,” declared District Judge Bruce Morgan.

Quite right too. But the Express sees things differently. The Criminal’s Friend (as the paper should be called) has been campaigning against speeding police cars for some time now.

It also believes that there’s one rule for the police and another for ordinary drivers when it comes to speeding, and that the police are unfairly targeting them.

On top of this, it whinges that police vehicles have killed more than 30 members of the public.

A cursory examination of this laughable argument reveals it to be as flimsy as Abi Titmus’s bikini.

Most crimes are unreported. And most reported crimes are unsolved (through no fault of the police, we hasten to add). It is also well known in police circles that 99 per cent of so-called “innocent” members of the public are in fact just villains who have yet to be caught.

Everyone keeps asking for criminals to be taken off the streets, but as soon as the boys in blue begin to thin their ranks, there’s an outcry. They can’t win.

As for the Express’s complaint that “it’s one rule for the police and another for the rest of us” – well, what’s wrong with that. If a policeman isn’t allowed to drive faster than a criminal, how’s he going to catch him?

“They should not need a note from teacher to practise that which they are trained to do,” said PC Milton’s solicitor.

Hear, hear. And given the frankly suspicious appearance of most teachers – who would probably find it difficult to write their own name, let alone a note – that’s just as well.

Ed Barrett’



Posted: 19th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink