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Anorak | The Kiss

The Kiss

by | 6th, June 2005

‘“DO you know the brunette?” asks the Sun. The paper wants anyone who can identify the woman seen kissing David Beckham for “15-20 seconds” last weekend to get in touch.

Love is…a man who kisses you on the top of your head

There’s an email address and phone number for just this purpose. But before we can use either of them, our eye is caught by the Mirror’s headline.

“POSH: THE TRUTH,” announces the Mirror on its front page. This is the “AMAZING EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW” that will surely blow the tinted lid off the Beckham marriage.

Sadly, no interview with a Rebecca Loos hopeful is forthcoming, and we are none the wiser as to the identity of the mystery brunette.

But we do hear that, whoever she is, it’s all innocent fun. “It’s a pathetic joke,” says Posh. “Fans come up to him all the time. It’s as if it’s part of the job.”

Hold the phone, Sun readers. If it is a joke, surely it’s more cruel than pathetic. And is kissing fans in David’s contract? Are Real Madrid pimping their star player out to the club’s supporters? And, if so, can we expect to see some of the less photogenic, fatter and more masculine Madrilenos locking lips with Dave?

Oh, come on Posh, don’t look so glum. We are sorry to have brought up the subject of weight. But since we are on it, how’s the body?

“I’ve got so much saggy skin on my stomach! And I’ve got no bum at all,” says she.

Before we suggest she treat herself to a set of bum implants, or eat some fattening food, Posh has composed herself and moved on. “I might fit into jeans but, trust me, I look really awful naked.”

Ok, we trust you. We really, really trust you. Just as we trust David, who we see standing lovingly by your side in the Mail as he opens his Los Angeles soccer academy.

A host of footy mad stars turned up to wish David well in his new venture, including Robbie Williams, Lionel Richie and the woman who taught Dave everything he knows about penalty taking, Diana Ross.

None are seen planting a lingering kiss on Day-vid’s lips, but you can be certain that had the part demanded it, a consummate professional like England’s captain would have done whatever was necessary…’



Posted: 6th, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink