Dirty Dan

‘YOU’D think that marriage to Karen ‘fishwife’ McDonald would have taught Steve at least a few lessons but he seems fatally attracted to mentally deranged women – it’s probably some sort of mother complex.

Sigourney Weaver, eat yer heart out

After practically taking out a restraining order against her six months ago, Steve’s now going out with Tracy Barlow. He tells his mum it’s so that he can be close to his daughter, but even ‘Fathers For Justice’ would draw the line at that sort of sacrifice.

Tracy’s now persuaded Blanche to chuck out the Barlows and rent her house out to her and Steve. “Just think of it, babe,” whispered Tracy to a terrified Steve, “we’ll be together forever.” To make matters even more complicated, Steve’s Irish fling, Louise, has walked back into Weatherfield. “If I see you anywhere Riverdance girl, I’ll break every bone on both your bodies,” snarled Tracy. It’s almost as good as having Karen back.

Liz McDonald has got her own relationship troubles to contend with; marrying mentalists clearly runs in the family as she’s just been told that ‘yer man’ Jim won’t be out of prison now for another two years because he started a fight.

Liz has decided that she’s had enough. “I have needs, Steve,” she told an understandably horrified son. Of course our Liz isn’t backwards at coming forwards and within the space of two episodes she’d taken one of Ken Barlow’s friends to bed.

“Bob knows how to treat a lady,” she told Tracy. He also obviously knows how to treat a desperate middles-aged slapper as it took him less than four drinks to get into Liz’s bed.

There’s more family trouble brewing over at the Baldwin house as dad Danny has decided he needs to get to know his son’s girlfriend a lot better – including finding out what she looks like without any clothes on. Danny’s track record at fidelity isn’t the best: he left his first wife for Frankie who was their son’s teenage babysitter at the time. He clearly feels that it’s time to trade in for a newer model although Frankie’s not going to take being put out on the scrapheap lying down.

Elsewhere in The Street, Bev has decided to return to Weatherfield to save her daughter (aka the mad woman in the attic) from Charlie’s evil clutches. The news of Bev’s black eye has filtered through to her and she’s now convinced that Charlie’s beating her beloved daughter into a pulp.

Like a dolly-dyed avenging fury, she swooped down on The Rovers and demanded access to Shelly. But Charlie’s got Shelly trained in a way that a police dog-handler would be proud of. “Shelly…leave it!” he growled at her, “If you have anything to do with your mum again, you know it’s over.”

Bev’s not one to give up easily though and has installed herself in the flat above the builder’s yard and has got a job in the Weatherfield Arms. “The smell of old woman’s making me sick,” Charlie snarled at her when he bumped into Bev outside his yard.

“It’s you that’s sick,” hissed Bev, “keeping my daughter caged like an animal.” Maybe someone should point out to Bev that if Shelly was less like a donkey then he wouldn’t have to.’

Posted: 17th, June 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink