Everything Must Go

‘PSST! Wanna buy an island? We’ll even throw in a few crates of alcopops, a clutch of disused coal mines and Noel Edmonds.

Buy now while stocks last!

But it doesn’t come cheap. Quality of this kind never does. And if we take into account all the buildings, roads, factories, trains, cars, stocks, shares and the aforesaid Edmonds, we can let you have the whole lot for £5.84 trillion.

As the Telegraph reports, the value of Britain has been calculated by the Office for National Statistics (price on application), which likes to do such, er, meaningful things.

Indeed, it’s the third year on the trot the ONS has totted up the lot. And it notes that Britain is a good investment, raising in value by a more than decent 8 per cent on the previous year.

The report, Capital Stocks, Capital Consumption and Non-Financial Balance Sheets, says that this number equates to almost £97,000 for every man women and child in the country.

Which leads us to another offer. If you don’t want the entire lot, you can but it in instalments. And to get things rolling we’ll let you have Edmonds, the M25 and Tony Blair’s make-up case for the knock-down, once-in-a-lifetime, honest-to-goodness-I’m-robbing-myself price of ten pounds…

Five pounds..? A pound..? Free and we’ll throw in Middlesbrough..?’

Posted: 26th, July 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink