Phwoar Or Against

‘NEVER mind the “racist murders on our doorstep”, the “paedophiles living next door”, the “gipsies’ rights over your land” and the other symptoms of what the Sun describes as “LAWLESS BRITAIN”.

‘Hands up if you think women should go topless this summer’

Never mind that the country’s borders are “out of control”, that “extremist clerics are preaching jihad” and that we are a “breeding ground for terrorists”.

Never mind even that we have a “soft-touch welfare system”, “legal aid for the undeserving”, “politically correct policing” and a “lack of prison space”.

Never mind all that when over in the Star we are invited to ponder the burning question of our age – to go topless on the beach this summer or not.

For men, admittedly, this is not the hottest of hot potatoes – we have been proudly showing off our man boobs ever since that day in 1924 when Giorgio Speedo took a pair of his mother’s scissors to his swimming suit, borrowed a pair of socks and set hearts a flutter in his home town of St Leonards-on-Sea.

For women, however, the advent of the mobile phone camera has added a new dimension to the debate – with the Star claiming that scores of the nation’s bikini beauties are now keeping their boobs under wraps for fear of being snapped topless.

And so it asks its readers to vote on whether women should sunbathe topless this summer.

As the Star readership comprises exactly the sort of mobile phone camera pests the paper is talking about, this poll would appear to be more stacked than, well, Jordan.

But impartial to a fault, the Star is only too happy to put both sides of the argument.

In the “phwoar” camp are glamour models Sophie Howard, Michelle Marsh and Jordan herself (as well as models Kate Moss and Liz Hurley and bizarrely Celebrity Wrestling star Kate Lawler).

Ranged against them are a load of Big Brother exhibitionists – Jade Goody, Orlaith McAllister, Kinga Karolczak, Vanessa Nimmo and Shell Jubin (and her famous nubbins).

And sitting this one out are spoilsports Charlotte Church, Abi Titmuss, Lucy Pinder and Kelly Brook.

To vote yes in the Star poll, dial 0901 I AM A RED-BLOODED MALE; to vote no, dial 0901 I AM A LIMP-WRISTED POOFTER.

Calls cost £5.50 a minute, but – hey – it’s worth every penny to prove you’re not a Guardian reader.’

Posted: 3rd, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink