Smiley Couture

‘“DESPITE the latest photographs showing David allegedly playing footsie with a blonde female friend while Victoria and him were enjoying a meal in Seville, the couple are happier than ever,” writes OK!.

Smile and the whole world laughs at you

Two things to point out about that introduction. Firstly, David, Victoria and the aforesaid blonde were dining at the same table and David does not boast a telescopic toe among his many physical attributes.

Secondly, the incident is only alleged to have occurred (see photos in the press at large) and OK! has no wish to mention it further, nor show a picture of Dave allegedly rubbing any part of his body like a frisky gibbon against a woman that is not his wife. It is of no more interest to OK! than tales of Dave’s alleged infidelities.

In any case, those sordid allegations are old hat, and, ever at the vanguard of investigative reporting, OK! wants to tell us something new about Victoria and Dave in its “exclusive” interview with the woman we call Posh.

“So Victoria, how are things going in Spain?” asks OK!, taking care not to nudge and wink all at once, and keeping its feet far removed from Vicky’s.

“It’s great,” says she. “It’s a very sociable country. The food’s great. The drink’s great… Very sociable.”

On the face of it there is little to enlarge upon in Vicky’s reply. We learn that Spain is great in more ways than one and that her people are sociable.

But OK! senses something more. This newshound smells a whiff of sensation and follows up question one with: “What are you like when you’re drunk?”

To get into the spirit of the question, the magazine produces a picture of Vicky wearing a pair of dark glasses standing by two boys dressed in identical shirts and with blurred faces.

Looking at it, we feel giddy; the room starts to spin; we see double; faces lose focus. And we hear Vicky’s voice say: “I’m very smiley!”

And how, if you are OK!, do you follow that? Answer in the form of a question: “Are the boys learning any Spanish?”

Excuse us? Did someone just change tack shaper than a failed pop star looking for a new musical direction? What have the boys’ – blurred faces and all – language skills got to do with Posh being smiley when drunk?

This interview is more mixed up than any cocktail Posh could down on a night out. And for fear of losing our sense of reality, it’s best to leave things hear.

“Weird isn’t it?” says Posh. And she‘s not joking, even if she is smiley…’

Posted: 8th, August 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink